


Lies

by Sapphirethurkear13



Category: History (Band)
Genre: Depressing Thoughts, I'm still sorry though, Other, negative thinking, self doubt, self hate, this one isn't as bad as the Jaeho one, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 12:57:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12343131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphirethurkear13/pseuds/Sapphirethurkear13
Summary: -Yijeong POV-All I hear are your lies.





	Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This is a tamer one. 
> 
> Also I didn't really look over it, not like I really look of anything I write, so I'm sorry about that.

“You did such a great job today, Yijeong!” Dokyun says, rubbing my head, as he walking into the kitchen. 

‘But it wasn’t great. I could've done better but I didn't. I never do a good job. It's never good enough Dokyun.. No matter what YOU think. What I think is what's valid to me.’ 

Jaeho wraps his arm around my shoulder and chuckles. “You were adorable Yijeongie~ so many Storias called you cute~.” He laughs and taps Kyungil’s stomach. 

“I think more people squealed at his cuteness, right?” He laughs and pulls Jaeho along into the livingroom. 

‘But I'm not cute. How I act is fake. It's only ever fake. It's never real. Why can't I legitimately be cute. Because I'm not cute. I'm just a useless lump of flesh.’

“Guys guys you forgot our little Maknae is also very sexy, yeah?” Sihyoung says as me smiles at me. He walks past me like the rest of them not seeing that I'm not believing them. 

‘Me? Sexy? I'm not what I could be. I can be better. Look at Kyungil. He's extremely good looking. And I'm just here. Pathetic. Ugly. Useless. Not worth the compliments I get, the lies I get.’ 

I close the door and lock it, taking my time while doing so, before heading straight to the bathroom. 

Usually I wouldn't be able to shower first but it seems like everyone is too hungry to care about showering. 

I get in and lock the door. I stare at the mirror and cringe slightly. 

‘Look at your makeup, you looked like that on stage? In front of fans? God.’ 

I grab the end of my shirt and slowly take off my shirt. I drop the shirt to the floor and trace my stomach with the tips of my fingers. 

‘How is this sexy? Kyungil has better ones. Hell, everyone has better ones than mine. I work so hard to get them better, more like Kyungil’s, but I just can't. I always go out and eat more than I should. I can't help it.. How is this sexy? That's right, it's not.’

I unbuckle my belt and drop it to the ground. I slowly slip off the jeans and stare at my legs. 

‘How am I pleasing to look at to some people? Are people just that desperate that they have to settle for me? Me, a disgusting body.’ 

I slip off my boxers and sigh deeply. 

‘It not that I'm not happy with my size but just.. I still haven't.. Been like that with a girl.. Because my confidence is crap and there are so many better looking guys out there.. Like mine isn't anything special.. It's nothing compared to the porn I watch.. I have nothing on those guys..’ 

I shake my head and step into the shower, turning the water on. I let it drip down my body as I just stare mindlessly at the wall. 

‘Can I even keep a girl? It's.. Not like I can. Not with how I look. Not with how I think. There’s just no way. Everyone else can get a girl in a day but I can't.. Or even if I could I wouldn't be able to keep them..’

I sigh as I grab the soup and start scrubbing my body. 

‘I'm just not what I want to be but you can't really change how you look. Well you can but getting surgery isn't how I want to make myself what I want it to be.. That’s cheating.. I want to be naturally how I want.’ 

I get the shampoo and wash my hair out. 

‘My hair could be better.. If it weren't for the dying I do to it. It could be so much softer. Maybe I should stop coloring it.. So I can have good hair.. Then again I've never had nice hair..’ 

I put conditioner in and watch the water for a little. 

‘They probably don't think like this.. I'm just too pathetic. They are great looking guys. They also have great personalities. They are wonderful, unlike me.’

I step out of the shower after turning off the water and just stand there for a moment. 

‘Why am I like this? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I actually accept compliments? Why can't I just be like them.’ 

I shake my head and grab a towel, drying myself off. I put my clothes in the dirty clothes bin then put my rob on. 

I take a deep breath and make sure it's on me tight before opening the door. I go to the living room to see that everyone is already eating and watching something on the tv. 

“Woah! Hey there sexy~” Says Jaeho with a wink as he bites his lip. 

“Oh hush!” I laugh. 

Lies. 

All I hear are lies.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
